In a previous post I mentioned the feeling that there was an invisible mountain in front of me, on the surface this might seem a little dramatic, but anyone who knows me knows I am not that way. I'm not a dramatic person, far from it in fact, so the mountain is more of a self actualization than some sort of an attempt for attention. I think the best way to describe my situation using a saying people are familiar with would be - I don't look good on paper.
The reason I mention it is because this is something I believe many people have in common, many people who find themselves in the position to have to start their lives over. My invisible mountain exists as a direct result of me making poor choices as a young man and continuing to do this until the present day. These were my decisions and I take responsibility for them as no person or no particular thing made them for me. Most of these bad decisions were directly related to my propensity to abuse drugs and alcohol, but this is a hurdle not an excuse. The bottom line is that the road is distinctly uphill at this point and I spend a great deal of time wondering if things will be any different this time.
As I plan on making a move, I do what I always do, I think. Recently I have thought about things in a more positive light than I have in the past though. Partially from experience, but also because I am trying something different.
Today I am thinking that personal strengths and weaknesses are not black and white, and I am searching in the grey.
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